still trying with a suspect flex to find my stylistic direction, they
say all the clues are clear enough to read, and symbols are always dirt
cheap mulling over this gigantic leap of faithless haste… hoping for the
best, but expecting that it will add up to a taste of fear anyway,
seeing a nervous twitch while imagining a drugged state more so than
that casual extraction of teeth… as the ones and zeroes string their own
threads together beyond my control, but through a systemic momentum
that i put into action months ago, too quiet as i experience a tormented
surrender to the forces i see… a genuine attempt to deceive myself in
the corrected version of reality for the last half of my life, a unique
respect for the perspective bad guy forcing others to make his most
vital decisions for him, and wallowing in embitterment instead of
betterment of the darker martyr appearance everyone hates… am i a real
villain Here, or do i further delude myself into to thinking that way?…
in any case, it is left for me to decide my fate, and throw my energy
into manifesting my own destiny on my terms… my heart lies to me to get
its way, and the world around me spins counter-clockwise to my own
relative orbit, thus leaving me consistent in being cast off balance
easily… my rules are real, and this is me, i am the meat and more than
that….i can see… the will is there, i know it, and finally the reigns
are in my hands instead of following a fishy predestination… embracing
that fringe comfort that was always on the periphery until now… even
seeing the words makes sense to me as a mantra might ring truth into the
head of the devotee, there is the struggle but i will be victorious
through the darkness i see, and that demon ‘control’ is mine like a
sword to strike at those painful oppositions that seek to betray me…
